Icarus XB 1 [1963]

Posted in Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2011 by gnojne cice


  AKA Ikarie XB-1 A Czechoslovakian pre-Star Trek and Pre-2001: A Space Odyssey science fiction film based on a novel by Stanislaw Lem, the author of Solyaris. And not a comedy! I was lead to believe by my mother and JirĂ­ Menzel that Czechs made only comedies. Even more, it’s supposed to feature no monsters from outer space and other trashy stuff most science fiction films of the era were made of, at least American and Japanese. Continue reading


Silent Night, Deadly Night [1984]

Posted in Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by gnojne cice


  Those of us who love horror fiction know that horror films and Christmas have more in common than you would think. They both give you this warm and fuzzy feeling. And I’m not a retarded eyeliner wearing teen saying that violence and gore give me that warm and fuzzy feeling. What gives it is fear I guess. Like a little boy tells to the famous Italian nightmare detective Dylan Dog in one of the issues, “sometimes it’s nice to feel fear…that way you don’t think about the bad stuff.” Of course, it’s also the pure escapist entertainment of violence. But Christmas is escapist too, don’t you think? So, we have a christmas horror with small role by a legendary scream queen Linnea Quigley. Looks promising. Continue reading

Mega Piranha [2010]

Posted in Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , on September 25, 2010 by gnojne cice


  A movie produced by The Asylum for SyFy with giant mutated piranhas. How can this not be fun? The movie poster says they are created to save mankind. How the fuck can giant piranha save mankind? From who? Besides that the poster is epic, as you can see. I also wondered who Tiffany is. I can’t possibly remember, but she was a shitty (listening to Greatest Hits album as I write) pop singer in the 80s. Twenty years later she posed naked (watching the scans as I write) for Playboy. We have a playboy cover girl here, fuck yeah! Continue reading

The White Reindeer [1952]

Posted in Reviews with tags , , on September 1, 2010 by gnojne cice


  AKA Valkoinen Peura. This Finnish movie won the Golden Globe Award for Best Foreign Film. In Cannes, it won the Fairy Tale Film Award, whatever that is, and was nominated for the Grand Prize of the Festival, and what would that be in 1957 I don’t know, because Palme d’Or was already called Palme d’Or by then, and what is today Grand Prix didn’t exist. Nevertheless, it was a good and well known film back than, or so it appears. Today, it obviously lays forgotten. Is it a hidden gem or just another mistake of the critics? Continue reading

Gakidama [1985]

Posted in Reviews with tags , , on May 7, 2010 by gnojne cice


  There was a lot of ways this movie could’ve failed. It could’ve been a non-stop gorefest, mainly because it was descibed as a gore film, it’s really short and it went straight to video. Not that any of the other two thing really indicate that, but it’s just what I feel. What’s wrong with a non-stop gorefest, you ask? Well, it tends to get boring, just like non-stop sex. Continue reading

Noble Lady Bound Vase [1977]

Posted in Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2010 by gnojne cice


  AKA Kifujin Shibari Tsubo. This is my first pinku film ever. Pinku eiga (not too be confused with pinky violence, even wikipedia redirects pinky violence to piknu film) is a Japanese softcore film. But in Japan, they have a better reason for not showing the money shot. The law forbids depiction of genitals, even pubic hair. Because of that the filmmakers have overcome that obstacle, and what you get are erotic pieces of cinema, unlike western (although there used to be some exceptions) generic and boring jerk off material. Continue reading

Orgy of the Dead [1965]

Posted in Reviews with tags , , , , , , , , on April 29, 2010 by gnojne cice


  So far, I’ve watched two Ed Wood’s movies (Plan 9 from Outer Space and Necromania A Tale of Weird Love), and I hate his guts. I don’t find it funny or so good it’s bad, it’s just plain awful, completely irritating and unwatchable. But I thought to myself, there’s a shitload of tits, and it wasn’t directed by him, although Apostolof is also kinda infamous. Also, it’s based on a novel, so you know, a novel has to have some kind of a plot, even if it’s written by a cockfart filmmaker himself. Continue reading